Releasing pre-fixed ideas
Ever so often as we navigate this journey called life, we find ourselves at a place and point where we are caught up in labels, definitions and the related expectations around these. We get wildly mangled with these various aspects, using them to impose so much upon ourselves. We further succumb to the expectations of others in relation to what they perceive and believe about us too.
These various aspects and expectations are ingrained into us, so much so that we tend to not even recognize when we are functioning from autopilot. Controlled and manipulated through old conditioned ways of being.
So for example, those of us who have been the “helpers” on this planet over the course of time are simply by default driven to help. It’s part of our make-up. To step forward, jump up, give out and stand to attention at a moments notice. This is what we have always done, and it’s what we now believe we need to continue to be doing. It’s a label and a badge of honour we carry, and one we wear with pride. Helping simply because we are helpers.
We also then have those others, those who, knowing all of this about us, expect us to ask “how high?” when they desire for us to jump. So it’s a programme that works both ways, with each party playing out both roles in this scenario – the victim and the perpetrator. We continue to perpetuate, in the role of perpetrator, our old patterns, and become a self-created victim of our behavior; and the other party continues to perpetrate levels of manipulation and play the victim card – the one that needs help. So it’s a cycle that plays out over and over again.
I personally have experienced that the helper within me was always wanting to give, give and give even more. I’ve always been that way. Believing that this was what I was born to be doing, after all. Taking care of others. Helping. Giving. Sharing. It was the purpose I established for myself. What use are your gifts and your kindness if you do not share and give freely to others? If you do not help another in need then what good are you? And with that, I would give, and overcompensate in my giving too. Giving more than was required. I recall at a point doing some work with a mentor and her asking me how far from my body my energy field was. I stretched my arms wide open and said “this much!”. She smiled and said, “Pull it in. It needs to be close to you. Keep your energy close to you”. At the time I had not recognized that giving our energy away so freely and openly is actually an energy bleed. It’s truly a free-for-all. I know better now. I understand the mechanisms around that now, I see the more subtle aspects and the finer points around it, and I see how part of my conditioning was also incredibly misguided. A part of me wanted so much to help, and yet felt that perhaps I wasn’t worthy of the regard offered to me, that I did not deserve it, and therefore I felt that giving back more than necessary was the way that I needed to operate, and the platform I needed to function from.
Others often appreciated the over giving from my side, they welcomed it, but also knew how to manipulate it to their full advantage. Many still do…..and many try to get me to give more – but I no longer budge. It’s an area that I havee found can be gray. Where are our boundaries? Where do we draw lines? I have found that this space needs to be navigated with clarity and awareness. Knowing when to give wholeheartedly and from an open, boundless space of Being, and when to preserve one’s energy, curb it and hold back sensibly.
As a “helper”, we need to establish our boundaries. This is critical. We need to know where to help, and when; and when to self preserve. We need to be able to read people very, very well, and feel into compassionate Beingness. And we also need to know when we are being played. Just because one is compassionate by nature and the other in need of assistance does not necessarily mean that we are the right fit for each other either. Often we just need to step back and step away from the situation, giving ourselves time to witness what is playing out and let others walk their own path, without feeling a need to actively contribute to their journey or buffer things for them. We don’t need to be saving the world.
A relative recently connected with me about their pet. They were asking for assistance and guidance. I shared a few recommendations without going into specifics and details, for it has been my experience over time that even those who are closest to me won’t compensate me given the slightest chance. And this person, in particular, has played that game well over the years. And therefore, with that overall recognition and awareness, while still holding and being the field of compassion, I now step back and hold back too. So I shared some basic information and left it at that. Giving no more. In the past, I would have jumped into instantly offering healing work, giving everything I could, saying “oh it’s fine, the poor animal needs it” etc. But experience has shown me that I don’t get financially compensated for this extension and outpouring, I don’t even get appreciated (for people, in general, are not inclined to appreciate that which they receive for free) and therefore I no longer offer such things – to anyone. Still, having said that, I offered her a potion of mine, and had decided that since it was for the animal, I would not ask for any financial compensation in exchange.
The next day her mum called me in a panic, and in tears about the pet. I immediately rushed over. I spoke with both of them while there, and it turns out that the person in question had taken my sharing, guidance, and information and went out to get a product from someone she knew (though clearly not from me!) and administered it to the animal….in a dose higher than should have been used. This, in turn, left the animal lethargic and physically depressed, and that was the reason behind the panic. I simply shared my insights, gained necessary clarity on the situation, offered the related information back to them – and left……choosing not to get any further involved.
You know, ultimately we choose our boundaries. We choose how others treat us. We define what we will and won’t be, and where our limits lie. We don’t need to bend over backwards anymore. The old definitions and the old ways of being no longer work, even when we desire to be helpful to all of creation. Yes, absolutely, we CAN and SHOULD have deep compassion for all of creation. It’s a good virtue to cultivate, the desire to contribute high doses of kindness to the planet, and all of her progeny too. But to allow ourselves to be stomped on in the name of duty is pure foolishness. It is misguided. It is, therefore, necessary that we reassess the old modus operandi that we have lived by, and choose a new way to function.
It also requires a great level of bravery, this way of being. Because with it will come criticism will come bad and ill vibes towards us, will come name-calling and so much else. I have experienced all of it. The question is, “do we cower and hide because others are not comfortable with who we are?”. If we are to grow as individuals and in our own divine will, then we need to throw off the old coats and the old templates that we allow to define us. Standing up for growth, for what we believe in very often means we walk a lonely path, and one less traveled. We cut our own path. It can be lonely. It can be uneven and rocky. And yet, it’s up to us to agree that we are fine doing exactly just that.
Are you willing to be more of you at whatever the cost might be? Just how much are you willing to be more of you? How much are you desireful to throw away old definitions, labels, cages, and programmes and birth a higher level of you instead? Is it time yet?
written by Reena Joshi #reenajoshihealing
